Ask Dr. NerdLove: Should I Choose My Crush Or My Arranged Marriage?
Rather than dating , many people in India — and some University of Minnesota students such as Gupta — hope to find their spouses through parents in arranged marriages. But for others, the topic can be a source of conflict between their parents’ traditional ideas and their own more Westernized ideals of love and marriage. In India, typically when a man or woman is ready to get married, his or her parents use matrimonial ads — similar to newspaper personal ads — or network through friends and family to find possible candidates to marry their children.
He said the woman’s parents will seek out a man for their daughter to marry, but sometimes the men’s parents send their information to the women. Sometimes after the parents select potential candidates based on the written information, the parents will meet them before recommending potential suitors to their children.
Arranged marriage has been the tradition in Cambodia for centuries and She is expected not to date or mingle freely with men or to have premarital sex .
My boyfriend and I are thinking of eloping, but not only would our marriage bring some shame to my family, I have an older sister who is also somewhat traditional and it would make it harder for her to marry into a good family if I got married first. Any suggestions? If you were now living in India where many of your friends would be in the same situation, or you were single and looking to get married with an open mind to your potential suitors, then I think an arranged marriage could work for you as it does for others.
I advise you to go with your heart, but make concessions to your family that may help them eventually accept your choice. For one, you can tell them that out of love for your sister, you will hold off on getting married until she does—say for a year or so, during which time they can prioritize her marriage into a strong family.
That kind of good-faith effort may go a long way to softening them up and convincing them to meet you halfway. Hang in there, be firm in both your commitment to your own happiness and in the love you feel for your family, and see if you can ease past their fears to a place of acceptance. By the time you do get married, you may not need to elope. And if you still do, then go for it, knowing you tried your best. He Said: I’ve talked with a few Indian friends who have been seen in situations like this, and their advice was to find a relative who is your parents age, whom you can trust, who knows them well, and who is likely to be sympathetic to your case, and ask this relative’s advice on how to work with your parents.
An uncle could be ideal.
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